3 WTF Wikis
Wik 7
The name is decieving on these guys. I call them short kings. Not only are they astonishingly beautiful and alien, they have one of the highest degrees of sexual dimorphism on the planet. Which is just science for their females are way bigger than the guys. As in the females weigh 10,000x what the little chodes are packing, but that isn’t the only weird kink about these octopodes; their mating ritual is curious too. The male has a “pouch” of sperm between two arms (shown below) and when he is ready to consummate, the pouch bursts releasing little swimmers into his longest arm which he then tears off and gives to his tall godess.. unsurprisingly, the males usually don’t make it. The females hold onto the consecrated arm until she decides she wants to be fertilized. Essentially, the male’s balls explode and then he rips his dick off and gives it to his love. Sounds very Van Gogh.. Maybe its the fact that they like to live in warmer waters that they’ve got so much freak on but they live in the open ocean where predators are plenty so for the males it doesn’t benefit them grow if their only purpose is to empregnate the women. They kinda just hang out, bust a nut, and then die. The females’ size benefits them because the larger they are the more eggs they can carry and birth at once, and as we said, they live where theres lots of predators. When being hunted they use the large “blankets” to make themselves look really wide and if attacked the “blanket” is able to disattach easily which allows them to escape.
L. Frank Baum
Lyman Frank Baum, the original author of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, a prolific writer, poet, architect, entrepreneur, showman, and “Royal Bookeeper of Oz.” The story was published in 1900 but while reading about Frank’s youth I realized his fantastical story begins as a young boy. Born in 1856 New York as a sickly boy which led to a difficult childhood. A 12 year-old Frank was sent home from military-school after suffering a heart attack following a disciplining for daydreaming in class.
His dad then bought him an old printing press which is where Frank tried his luck with writing, he bore fruit. With the aid of his brother he went on to produce several journals, including a couple stamp dealers’ directories, chicken manuals, and more which he would often give away to friend’s and family members for free. In his journals would be local business ads which is where he started to see money. But Frank’s knack for entrepreneurship didn’t stop with ink and paper, he also was a very successful chicken breeder (which is why he wrote a book on chickens) He was famous for selling fireworks during the 4th of July and then putting on the brightest display in front of his own home for the whole neighborhood to come see. At Christmas time each year Frank’s father (Mr. Baum) would place a tree right next to a curtain where behind, his son Frank would be dressed as Santa Claus and decorate the tree while putting on a show for the children.
After his initial stride of success Frank wanted to act. He invested in a stage group. Buying an entire new wardrobe for the whole cast was no light expense, in return Baum was promised leading roles in the upcoming shows; but after a short time he left this group to help his brother in law with his new grocery store. However, Baum’s curiosity didn’t falter. He continued to perform under several alias’ (which was and still is very common) and in 1880 his father had a theatre built for him in Richburg, NY. He would’ve been 24 at the time, his father seems like an amazingly supportive parent. This was when Frank really got a grasp of the stage, he began writing plays and musicals starring himself in the lead role and his auntie who was a founder of an “oratory school” to help perform and compose the music. 2 years after the opening, a wedding bond was tied between the new stage producer and the daughter of a well-known woman’s suffrage advocate, Matilda Joslyn Gage. Life seemed to be going well, touring around the country performing acts fresh off the writer’s desk, buying new flashy outfits to awe the crowd… and that’s when a fire broke out during a show, burning his whole homestage, wardrobe, and entire list of scripts to the ground. COINCIDENTALLY, the fire began during a show titled, Matches. hmph… If you’d ask Joey Diaz he’d say, “Sounds like some Jewish lightning to me dawg.”
After the fire he went around the country picking up a couple writing and editing jobs, starting a newspaper, bankrupting a newspaper, move cities, try a sales job, move again, try again where people don’t know you’re a failure. He found some success after writing two kid’s books called Mother Goose/Father Goose where he befriended an illustrator who would be his primary collaborator for The Wonderful Wizard of Oz which they would write shortly after (1900). The book went to number one on the charts for two years straight. Keep in mind during this time the other authors who were releasing books were figures like: Joseph Conrad, Booker T. Washington, Tolstoy, Rudyard Kipling.
2 years after the release of the book, a musical version was writen by the same duo who wrote the original. It was denied by producers. Shortly after, a similarly titled, “Wizard of Oz” debuted on the Chicago stage and went on to broadway for almost an entire year before touring around the country for another 9 years. The stage version had a target audience of adults where the original story was meant for children. Toto the dog was swapped for a cow and the writer’s included remarks toward real world figures like President Theodore Rosevelt, John D. Rockefeller, and other political targets. Baum continued to write sequels to his great success. As a matter of fact he wrote 13 other tales about the land of Oz but all of the biggest stage production groups began to write stories of Oz on their own. With this new life came the story of Wicked. It is both tragic and amazing to see how Baum’s creation sort of got up without it’s own creator and began walking away, carving it’s own path. But though Oz is now a place which writes its own tale and has a list of over 40 canonical texts, Lyman Frank Baum is ordained as the royal bookeeper of Oz and deserves his spot on WTFWiki. I wonder if he inspired the late Ozzy Osbourne.
Bene Gesserit
The mental capacity to totally control your own mind and body. The ability to slow aging, to control what DNA your next child will carry and when, to use your voice to physically control others, the ability to detect truths and falsehoods, knowing hundreds of sex positions to “imprint” on your lover, all while a little high on some spice, these are all available to the life of the Bene Gesserit from the sci-fi Doom series. The Bene Gesserit are a shadowy group of female occultists who manipulate the threads of fate ushering mankind into a future which they have tediously thought out many generations ago. In their quest for control, surgical decisions are made to ensure the women of the Gesserit have a hand in any major event which dictates what direction man will head into. This includes marrying into royal bloodlines and is where the ability to control what child is consummated comes in to be useful. They are called witches by those who don’t understand but according to the wiki, they are on a mission to guide man into an enlightened future.
If you’re in your 20’s and are uncultured like me, the world of sci-fi lore is new to you and pulls on your brain’s silly strings since it reflects mythical stories from our own reality. In the book these women purposefully implant themselves in positions where they can pull strings from behind the curtain, whether it be wife or side-piece they did their work for the benefit of their mission. I would like to do a deeper dive on the Bene Gesserit at a later time but its almost 2am and I’ve gotta wake up to go be a handyman tomorrow. Peace.
